Comments on: How do you deal with grief?

By: Are Roadside Death Memorials Dangerous?

Are Roadside Death Memorials Dangerous? — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 17:45:17 +0000

[...] How do you deal with grief? (anchormast.com) [...]

By: Sue

Sue — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 22:04:55 +0000

Oh, my, Kathryn. Yes.

By: Tess

Tess — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 22:00:45 +0000

Kathryn: thank you so much for this comment. Your final sentence summed up the debate for me I think – “It’s not about your choice of expression…”
I am so very sorry to hear of your bereavements through death and of the bereavement you are living through each day. I imagine your emotions must swing through so many cycles and leave you both raw and numb. Death is at least final, this other situation you describe must be terrible. You, and the addict, will be much in my thoughts and prayers.

By: Kathryn

Kathryn — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 22:14:43 +0000

I can’t stop thinking about this.
Something, I’m not sure if anyone has touched on yet in the comments (and I would read them all but they make me cry) is the grief for someone you still have.

Let me explain, someone VERY close to me is a drug addict. For years I have watched her lose herself, come back, lose herself, almost die, catch Hep C. come back – it’s a terrible cycle.

I guess what I’m trying to say is it’s the hardest grief yet. I lost my brother, my Dad within 4 months of each other. I have experiences death. I’ve had relationships crumble. But this, this is something I really do not know how to deal with.

And because it’s private and invokes such judgement – oh my. I’m rambling…..

Not expressing feelings is unhealthy. It’s not about your choice of expression but just that you do.

By: The Bright Side | Mind-Out!

The Bright Side | Mind-Out! — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 18:27:38 +0000

[...] articles by Zemanta How do you deal with grief? [...]

By: Tess

Tess — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 13:18:23 +0000

You know, one of the main things I’m taking from this discussion is how very lucky I am to have such a wonderful, articulate and emotionally brave group of readers and commenters. Thank you all so very much!

By: rebecca

rebecca — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 23:31:36 +0000

Tess, I have been thinking so much about the questions posed here. I remember the last two times that major grief came my direction. About 8 years ago a friend of mine was killed by an avalanche, so extremely suddenly. He was just gone. I had this very clear image of my acute grief being like the waves of an ocean. And I knew that I had to stand there and let them hit me over and over again. I allowed myself to cry as much as I wanted. I had plenty of people in my life who would listen to me talk about Scott. And there was a very loving and joyful memorial held for him which helped all of us so much.

Four years ago my 89 year old Granny died. I was with her continually for the 4 days of her dying. I felt that I had been her “midwife” into death. Being witness to her process was both one of the hardest things that I have ever done AND one of the most beautiful. I felt as thought I was midwife to her passing. So, the grief that came after that was much more gentle.

I think that what I do know about grief, is that I want to TALK about it. Not necessarily weep or cry with others, but I want to tell the story of my grief over and over.

You have such a great gift of getting a fabulous discussion going! Thank you!
Love….

By: The Pollinatrix

The Pollinatrix — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 23:29:22 +0000

I’m glad that my comment could further this conversation.

I think the bottom line is just how disassociative western culture tends to be. We don’t like minor inconveniences let alone earth-shattering emotions.

When I finally learned how to just sit with my emotions, without trying to fight or change or judge them (and I won’t say I’ve mastered it!), it had a profound effect on my life. And it also affects my ability to sit with other people’s emotions.

Another aspect of this is the desire to “fix” things, and to control. I hope this isn’t opening a big nasty can of worms, but the prevalence of that desire seems to me to reflect it being a “man’s world.” We need to relearn the feminine or yin art of simply receiving, whatever it is coming to us. But in order to do that, we have to see the value in it, and also the true power in that ability.

I have to say, I just love kigen’s comment about the sculpture.

By: Healthy Grief, Unhealthy Grief | Smarter Goal Setting

Healthy Grief, Unhealthy Grief | Smarter Goal Setting — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 20:44:33 +0000

[...] How do you deal with grief? (anchormast.com) [...]

By: kigen

kigen — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 12:43:24 +0000

Tess, good, good question. If we want to take it down to the bare truth, wouldn’t we simply say, the sister slept with the boyfriend, period — in modern lingo, “what happened, what happened.” I love the thought of taking the chick flick and comparing the idea you express, with the Pieta, so the sculpture can be transformed from its high plane in theology into everyday life. In the Pieta, Mary offers her grief to the viewer, simply by opening her left hand gracefully to one side, an act of balance to the Christ cradled in her right arm. In that gesture she says, this is the burden I carry, I accept the role I am asked to play. It is again her youthful fiat still present. And that’s partly why meditating on the sculpture heals my grief. It simply places it there where it is. Michaelangelo again is astounding. And I say that to keep these remarks on sculpture, on art, and its major role in healing, just as pop culture has the power to do also.