After nearly six glorious months of not working (apart from the occasional workshop and a bit of coaching), I’ve undertaken a six-month part-time human resources consultancy gig, which I started this week.
I’ve been asking myself “well what have I done, what have I learned” during my time out. At first, I was quite despondent. The lack of external structure to my days has made many of them feel wasted, opportunities missed. I’ve been undisciplined about many things.
Then I reminded myself that these months were to be about “being”, not “doing”. I realised I have a body and mind no longer weary, that shapes are coming into focus gradually of new understandings found, new imaginings almost within reach.
I think sometimes we need to take things slowly, we need to be gentle with ourselves, and as I’m finding it is only by looking backwards and reflecting that we see our journey has changed us subtly, we are not in the same place we started.
I feel… well actually I feel more, I feel more open emotionally, more sympathetic to others, less judgemental. Don’t worry, I’m not about to put myself up for sainthood, but these months of inactivity have changed me, and I’m blessed to have had the opportunity.
Image by mysza831
Elsewhere:
By coincidence, a dear friend emailed me this morning a link to Fiona Robyn’s newsletter, which contained a great post about slowing down: Cornflowers and Roadkill.
{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
Hi Tess
Glad you’ve come to a positive place in your journey. I’ve been thinking about slowing down recently – not in the way that you did, but in my job. I’m calling it “analogue thinking”, letting my mouth catch up with my brain, standing looking out of the window and thinking. I still generate lots of ideas, but I don’t rush to implement them. It’s liberating, but also hard to keep on resisting the manic activity that (deluded) people think is productive.
Enjoy your H.R. gig – at your own pace!
You added no question to the reader. But your beautiful metanoia probed me immediately. I had to say to myself, oh no, don’t talk about that. And not that either! as things rushed into my mind that I might confess. But it was helpful to look at a couple of things that have changed me over the past six months. Thank you for your blog, Tess. May all your endeavors flourish together.
what a gift you have enjoyed Tess, a chance to get off the treadmill
to wind down from the constantness of a daily grind
thanks for allowing us to share the journey with you
may your consultancy work bring everything you hope for
There are times when I can accept that being instead of rabid doing is what I am called to at this time. Spending time cuddlling with my Persian kittehs, slowly (very slowly) returning to spiritual practice, cooking for myself again, meeting new people, letting things take as long as they need to, pro-crastinating (not just crastinating anymore) when possible, reading the books that stand waiting in my bookshelves … Sometimes I berate myself for laziness, not getting the housework done when I had planned to do it, not exercising quite so often. I have decided to be patient with myself and let everything find its level.
A lovely reflection. Thank you for sharing this stage of your journey with us. (I was going to say “end result” but it’s really not, is it?)
I think you were very brave to _not do_ and instead simply _be_ during the past months. Sometime I think I/we hide from myself/ourselves by staying busy…if that makes sense.
And perhaps that’s why I come to your blog regularly. To make myself stop, read, think for a few moments. I understand myself better by reading your insightful words. (So maybe you never managed to “get the hang” of haiku as you mentioned to me
. You excel at all other kinds of written expression.)
Beautiful image and beautiful reflection. It’s hard to know “where” we are in the midst of “being there.” Giving yourself a break from structure is a gift that many will never enjoy or be allowed to even contemplate. Presuming to know a teeny bit of your inquisitive and contemplative mind, these months cannot have been wasted. Partially they may be a time that we readers will “enjoy” for some time…….and you thought you were only thinking of yourself:)
@ER: Good to hear from you, I miss your blog! I really like what you say about “analogue thinking”. It’s too easy to rush helter skelter to the next thing. I also think it’s too easy to complain about our jobs and how they should change, when actually we have the ability to change.
@kigen: I have to confess I had to look up metanoia in the dictionary! Thank you for what you said, I think it doesn’t matter whether we express our reflections or not, so long as we take time to have them.
@kel: thank you, so far I’m enjoying it.
@Barbara: I suspect you and I have been in quite a similar space in different ways over the last few months. I think being patient with ourselves is exactly what we need sometimes.
@Elaine: I was just talking to someone today about your balcony garden efforts as we were discussing that no garden space is too small. Thanks for what you’ve said here, I’m glad.
@SS: Your words “It’s hard to know “where” we are in the midst of “being there.”” are exactly right. I’m privileged to have had the chance.