Barney, your description of AngryBloke’s recent experience made me smile! I think your description of this sort of protective anger (towards your students) is a good one, with a good example. I certainly agree with your antidotes, perhaps especially the vigorous walk!

On Friday evening I was sitting in the theatre at Wellington College, where the last night show of the annual Baha’i Academy for the Arts was taking place. It was the second half of the show and I was sitting with members of the writing class I’d been tutoring – they were getting ready to read some samples of their work to the audience.

We were close to a small group of young people, who were chatting to each other, taking pictures of each other and clearly planning some post-show activity. I found myself getting angrier and angrier with the young folk, not least because I was anxious that my group should have an attentive audience for their readings.

One lad kept talking to the girl in the row in front of him, looking for texts on his mobile, getting up and going out and then returning. After some time of this and as the young man was going out yet again, I exclaimed “For God’s sake, boy” sotto voce (although it wasn’t so sotto). He must have heard, because he looked down at me as he walked up the aisle.

Generally these young people were a lot better behaved than most and were delightful to meet, and I knew it wasn’t doing me or them any good to become so angry inside at them. My reaction was not creative or helpful.

It would have been better to lean over and ask them not to talk while the show was on, but I knew that, angry as I was, I wouldn’t be able to do this in a civil manner.

Sad, really. Selfishness? I don’t know. Anger is sometimes justified, particularly when others are suffering injustice, but better to do something constructive. And better for the heart not to nurture anger – mindfulness, meditation, prayer can all help – as can a vigorous walk!

I actually see selfishness as being at the root of most sin, going right back to Adam and Eve in the garden. Selfishness as in acting out of self-interest instead of being faithful to God. It is a difficult one, I agree and I am probably coming from a different place than some others here too.

Rosie xx

I’m glad you make the point that anger needs to be acknowledged; I believe terrible damage can be done by unacknowledged anger. I’m less certain about the question of “indulging” anger. If by this you mean abusive yelling and/or physical fighting, then yes I agree, but I think there’s another side to this. For example, all my life I’ve been afraid of conflict, and that’s made it very difficult for me to have honest relationships with people.

If you can tell a friend – reasonably calmly! – that their behaviour has hurt you or made you angry (their behaviour, not themselves, an important distinction) then you open the door to real dialogue and closeness. If you acknowledge the anger inwardly but never say anything, then you’re failing to share part of yourself with the other person.

I don’t entirely agree with you about the causes of anger, by the way. Much of it is about selfishness, but many people are dealing with real “heavyweight” abusive behaviour which goes far beyond thwarted plans. And then there’s the kind of anger which results from injustice etc.

Anyway, thanks again for taking part in this discussion – it’s really interesting to read all the comments and to think about this issue. I’m sure between us all we’re getting to the bottom of it!

Ellen

Think I’ll try out my right hemisphere for a while! Peace, y’all!