Comments on: Those other f-words

By: Barney

Barney — Sat, 01 Aug 2009 15:58:25 +0000

Excellent and thought-provoking post, Tess. Thanks. It really is not always easy to know when something is finished or it’s time to finish. It can sometimes feel like disloyalty to acknowledge that the horse is dead and there’s no point in continuing to flog it!

Thanks for mentioning the situation of the Bahá’ís in Iran. The regime plays cat-and-mouse with the Baha’is (and others) with great cruelty.

By: Tess

Tess — Sat, 01 Aug 2009 14:29:18 +0000

Thank you Claire.
Roxanne, I like your phrase “emotional monsoon”. Life is often like that, isn’t it?

By: Roxanne

Roxanne — Sat, 01 Aug 2009 06:50:44 +0000

Somethings, I think, may not be entirely complete, but for that moment, we find we have accomplished as much as we can. These are things which at some later point, we resume and complete ~ i.e a book. As for a marriage, it’s wise to do nothing until the emotional monsoon has subsided. If it’s a good idea now, then it will still be a good idea later. Perhaps some make too hastely a decision to leave the marriage. I nearly did.

By: claire bangasser

claire bangasser — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 20:30:19 +0000

Ah, Tess, this is wonderful news that you feel again that you have more to say, because for me it is so obvious that you have!

By: Tess

Tess — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 20:15:20 +0000

@Kel: thank you for your words on perspective. This is something I struggle with – acknowledging my own fears and concerns, even though they seem small by comparison with, for example, the family you mention. There’s a temptation to think that our own concerns aren’t important unless they are apocalyptic, but they are, also.
@SS: it took me a long time to realise I could decide not to finish a book – re-read or not – if it wasn’t speaking to me. In fact it was a writer (Isabel Losada, who came to speak at one of our reading groups) who got me on to this, which would have been heresy to me at one time! And good for you at being guilt-free. I think all any of us can do is share our abundance, whether it be time, money or comfort.
@Sue: looking forward to any answer that comes up!
@Claire and Lucy: the marriage thing is a decision I have not personally had to make, I’m pleased to say. I also like the concept of time to see – it works with all kinds of things, so long as it doesn’t become drifting. I am still writing, doing more in the way of journalling rather than morning pages. And I’m beginning to feel again I may have something more to say, which I didn’t, for a long time.

By: lucy

lucy — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 18:34:46 +0000

you have hit upon many of my own personal topics in this one, tess. (i can’t imagine that surprises you ). i recently had an encounter (and am still in the midst actually) about when is enough enough. this time it has to do with a work/volunteer situation.

for me “knowing when it’s finished” is continuing the listen to my inner instincts and find when the joy, the pleasure, the however you decide to define the “positive” is totally overshadowed – consistently for a period of your own determination –then it’s finished. you get to choose. no one else, but you. you have to be satisfied with yourself. (i am writing “you”, but of course i mean “i” too).

sounds like you were done with morning pages. bravo. move on. the marriage thing is tricky ‘cuz there are so many others involved. it is one i have wrestled with. i like claire’s words of giving it time to see. if the smoother sailing never comes, maybe it’s time to move on.

ramble ramble ramble. this is how i write morning pages

“i write to discover what i know” flannery o-connor

By: claire

claire — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 16:01:37 +0000

A good post, Tess. Thank you.

I began writing morning pages while reading Judy Cameron’s The Artist’s Way some years back. This was one of the things she recommended to do, along with an artist’s date — something I should resume really.
If I remember well, the point was not to look back, but just to write whatever came to my mind. I remember a friend of mine encouraging me, by telling me that once she wrote for an entire page something like “I’m constipated.” She was dry, indeed.
So I wrote, not trying to write intelligent, memorable, artistic stuff. But just be as plain as I might be. No one was ever going to see it. It was to overcome a writer’s block or maybe something else.
After a while, I noticed that I got deeper and deeper within myself and dared to write about ‘unspeakable’ topics. This became fulfilling. I also would use books by Joyce Rupp sometimes to give me themes.
Over the years, the writing pages have become my blog, in a way. But every so often I still write morning pages and then, of course, I have started a ‘shadows diary” to face what is driving me, or bugging me, or haunting me. These are ways to give myself time to express thoughts and emotions that might stay bottled up for who else than myself could be interested? Also by expressing them on paper I often realize that these thoughts are inhabiting me.

As to deserting a spouse, the thought has crossed my mind when the going was tough, but I always gave myself six more months. Usually by then it had become smoother sailing. It all got easier after the 25th anniversary somehow

By: Sue

Sue — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 12:34:37 +0000

You always make me think, Tess. I’m so deep into this one that I can’t even come up to answer

By: Sunrise Sister

Sunrise Sister — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 03:23:55 +0000

Interesting post ……….. a thought provoker. I’ve sort of zeroed in on things in the last year – things I really want to do do and I’m feeling a little more peaceful about realizing that I’m just NOT going to do some of those other things that I’ve sort of claimed to want to do in the past.

I’m reading more – articles, a novel, some re-reads and not feeling guilty about deciding that one of the re-reads was NOT worth re-reading:) and stopped in the middle. I’m watching more silly, romantic movies – just for the fun of it – the beauty of netflix! I’m painting what I want and not what I think others would like or EXPECT me to paint, I’ve taken up a new volunteer job a couple of hours a week and after contemplating it for so long, it feels so right for me and for those with whom I am interacting.

And elsewhere, oh my goodness, I’ve tried to hone in on those charities where I think my donations may make a difference and I try to listen to the words of unpleasant news in order to realize that yes, I am a part of all of this world, not just my block in my town, and in that realization finding my life is full of abundance – I am thankful to be able to share that abundance with those who have less. Thanks again, Tess!

By: Kel

Kel — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 22:35:12 +0000

Tess, this is the most amazing post. Thankyou. As someone who has a type A need to believe in the mantra, if a job’s worth doing, its worth doing well – and finishing – these words of yours are like a soothing balm to my soul today.

and yes, i can relate to the “elsewhere” put things in perspective note: someone we knew in the city died suddenly this week. She was expecting a baby, and got swine flu. She didn’t survive. The baby has, so far. Her husband is left to cope with raising a stepchild, a child of his from a previous marriage and two kids (one being the premmie baby still in hospital) on his own. The response of anger and injustice of this has hit me out of the blue – surprising me in it’s overwhelmingness.

and causing me to think about things labelled important, things I bust my gut to achieve, or live up to, or finish . . .