Reading great advent posts by other folks, it is troubling me that so far this year I cannot seem to find my own advent path.
What’s the problem? Not over-commercialisation of Christmas because I haven’t yet seen much of that (studiously avoiding shops). Not lack of scripture, as we’ve been reading Isaiah in my advent bible study group. (Which I missed last night because the plumber was here, but that’s another story. There’s a good Isaiah-in-advent item here, if you’re interested.)
Perhaps there’s a lack of something in my own heart that I need to reflect on over the coming days. And as I write this, I sense an urgency to feel something. Ah! Perhaps this is all around wanting an aesthetic experience of advent. So am I wanting to indulge in my own ability to experience and describe a holy and beautiful time instead of opening myself to an actual journey which may not be holy or beautiful?
Thinking aloud in a blog post – not sure if that’s a good thing!
A friend sent me the cartoon below last night, which first of all made me roar with laughter, then realise how very well it reflects the lack of a firm advent road beneath my feet just now. Enjoy (look carefully).
{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }
Interesting reflection, Tess. I wonder if we do sometimes confuse our need for aesthetic or emotional experiences with our spiritual journey. I too know that need to feel something when the feelings are just not there. “I’m in a holy place so I should be having some emotional reaction” – that’s the kind of simple-minded logic that conflates emotion and spirituality.
I think there is a kind of “dryness” that can appear at some points in the spiritual journey, accompanied by a wondering if this journey is actually going anywhere.
Perhaps it’s a lesson to allow the journey to take us without our having expectations about what the journey should feel like?
Peace Tess
Interesting thoughts and an interesting comments from Barney. Yes, emotion is not the same thing as spirituality, though I too confuse them. Yet, perhaps, emotion is for us and spirituality is for God – or should be.
Wonderful cartoon! So many levels of meaning and humour in there.
Advent, for me, always starts up so cozy and sweet. That lasts maybe a week. It’s why my Advent wreath candles have lasted so long! That lack of a firm Advent road beneath your feet reminds me of Isaiah and the highway cut through the wilderness which he describes. Barney made some good points above. The road of Advent is passing through some barren landscapes. It may not be the Champs Elysees, but it is where we are meant to be and it does lead somewhere. Besides, if you look around, the wilderness has its own beauty.
Dear Tess,
I have felt this urge for MORE so many times. I have sought in vain for deeper experience, for an enhanced perspective, so often in life both in overtly spiritual situations and in every day moments when I just want to be PRESENT. When my husband I went to Europe this summer and I found myself staring at the endless beauty of the Alps I just remember feeling slightly frantic that I was somehow missing something, that there was a wall between me and the fullness of being there. It is comforting to hear you articulate similar ideas.
Because I come to Advent with little more than childhood memories of a wreath and candles that seemed to be the wrong color (they were Easter colors after all, and I guess I never made the connection that Christmas and Easter are just phenomenal extensions of one another), I think I am less pressured to feel something in particular. I am still torn between whether I should start doing a lot of reading and research or if I should just let the Spirit move me this year as I light my own little candles and just try to pray through whatever stillness comes to my mind.
Thanks and blessings, Marisa
Tess,
You expressed just how I so often feel during advent, especially early in the season. I feel like I should be more spiritual along with all of the secular pressures of “getting ready.” It is comforting to hear you express it and remind me I’m not alone.
A pastor’s words hit home for me last year. He eplained why advent lasts a whole month. We’re not supposed to BE ready right now. We spend a month preparing, waiting for Him. It is a journey, with dry spells along the way.
Thanks for your open, honest post.
You are speaking my heart. And the cartoon – needed it.
Hello Tess. I recently found your “Becoming Benedictine” post and was intrigued.. this is a lovely blog and I enjoyed this Advent post.
I wonder if that sense of lack and longing to feel something is how the waiting is supposed to feel? Advent is a paradoxical time… the light of the world is already here, and yet we are waiting for it’s return,for Christ to be born in us again, even as we hold our candles, and guard them against the breeze, and guard the light of hope in our hearts..
Thank you everyone for these encouraging and wise comments.
And a special thank you to Pam and Deb, commenting here for the first time – welcome to this space.
Tess, I selected the perfect book (seems so), have set aside my time – incorporating the book into my morning prayers; I feel silly expecting “something” to waft over me like a light morning fog:)
I think Advent’s season may fall into the category of act like you’re happy for long enough and before you know it you will be happy or act like a Christian for long enough and soon enough you find you are one.
It must be what waiting is all about…..sometimes long, sometimes boring, sometimes nothingness – but if the “awaited” is all about Christ then the long, the boring, the nothingness may be just worth the wait!
oh tess, i am holding VERY LIGHTLY to whatever experience i think i have “found”. there is such tension between wanting that experience and just allowing the mystery to unfold.
i roared outloud at the picture myself
Pardon me for my obvious ignorance, but what exactly IS advent? (I probably knew the answer decades ago, but I don’t anymore…too long a Taoist).
Hello RT, good to see you here. Advent = the time of preparation observed by Christians leading up to Christmas Day, when we celebrate the birth of Christ. (Obviously the 25th December is a fairly arbitrary day, chosen many think to take over previous pagan festivities.)
Advent starts with the Sunday closest to 1st December and there are particular readings from scripture associated with the different days. It can be a good time of reflection and spiritual journeying, although against the background of shopping etc etc.
Dear Tess
Advent for me this year is a totally chaotic time for lots of reasons all beyond my control really [pop to my blog for a quick update] but as a soon-to-be-Catholic [and for those who aren't really] advent this year for me has been a time not only of looking forward in anticipation to celebrate Jesus’ birth but also a time of reflection and empathy [in my own small way] with Our Blessed Virgin. A time to look at Mary’s journey and what she may have felt and thought. A time to draw on her amazing faith and trust in God and what I as a woman can learn from that.
I can totally understand your feelings at this time as I can transpose them exactly into other religious areas of my life at one time or another. Perhaps it’s not about what we want [to feel] but about where God wants to lead us – be open to it all xxx.
with love and every blessing for the season xx
Sharon xx
Tess,
Thanks for the explanation of the what, but I guess I still don’t understand the why. During Jesus’ day, I don’t remember folks preparing for his birth other than his immediate family and 3 distant travelers. So, what is advent based on and who started it?
@Sharon, I think reflection on the journey is certainly important. Personally, because of the way in which the figure of the mother of Christ has been used by the Church over the millennia to keep women subservient, I find it difficult to extricate her real spiritual message from the more unsavoury aspects.
) I’ll do a bit of googling when I have a few minutes.
@RT: I’m afraid I have no idea of the history behind the advent custom and when it dates back to. (Forest Wisdom probably would, he has a Masters in Theology
I loved that cartoon so much I blogged it myself.
It’s funny but Christmas just basically pissed me off, and I find it difficult to get any enjoyment out of it. It’s Easter that rocks my socks, because the world doesn’t get it, and even more than that it just doesn’t really know what to do with it, you know? And I love it that the mystery is hidden like that.
But this year I do feel a bit more amenable to getting swept up in the mystery of God becoming one of us. So mind-blowing, but those dry periods where we just aren’t “feeling it” are also necessary, even though they are painful. I echo Barney’s thoughts.