I’m a bit surprised at myself. I just came back from a shopping trip to my new nemesis, the local craft supply shop. (Not that it’s a bad craft shop, it’s just so easy to spend a lot of money there. A lot.)
I bought many small items and a few larger ones and as the assistant swiped my stuff through the reader, I realised she hadn’t charged me for something costing around £15 ($30). I was delighted. I was happy to be getting away with something.
It was on the way back to the car that my feet were lassoed by my conscience and my steps slowed down, stumbled, stopped.
The assistant had been really nice, chatting with me about the projects I would be using my supplies for. It wasn’t fair to use her distraction for my gain.
But then, I rationalised, this was a big store, they could afford it, no-one would know, the assistant wouldn’t get into trouble. I took a few steps further towards the car.
Conscience tightened its lasso, and I stopped again. OK, back to the store to confess. “My” assistant was no longer on duty but I explained to her colleague that I couldn’t believe I was being this honest, but it would only have preyed on my mind, and could she please charge me for this item.
She looked mildly surprised but very pleased, I flashed my plastic and drove home with all my goods now legal.
If you’re still with me at this point in the saga and haven’t fallen asleep, you may wonder what the point of it all is. Well maybe all this thinking about life and and how to live is helping me to live more honestly, because I would never have done that a few months ago.
I felt really, really good driving home. It sounds really prissy to say so, but I’d done the right thing. I think maybe it’s a prosaic example of how small everyday actions add up to a picture with a bit more meaning.
Photograph above by a2gemma
{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
Heyjules 03.11.08 at 5:28 pm
Way to go, Tess. It’s so easy to think we’re “getting away with something” but are we really? If we compromise our character on the little things then how much easier is it to compromise our character on the big, really important things? We love to think they aren’t really connected but, as you found out, they really, really are.
Kate I 03.11.08 at 6:42 pm
I understand what you went through with this situation Tess, as a few years ago I would have justified it as “the universe giving me a gift” but like you, there’s no way now, that I could do it. It’s about my truth and walking my talk and realizing that yes, the store owner would have been short but it’s even more than that. I believe that by doing it, I would be reinforcing a poverty consciousness that I’ve working very hard at releasing. (something that I picked up from depression era parents).
Thanks for your honesty and for writing about this.
Rebecca 03.11.08 at 7:39 pm
i don’t think anyone could have been more surprised than the girl that took care of you when you returned! Believe me, many would not have done what you did. Yet, I am with you on this. Here in the States, there are some stores that at the end of the day, if it does not add up, it is a given that the cashier miscalculated and then it is taken out of her/his paycheck. And they don’t make enough money as it is so the GUILT wouldn’t have even made me go as far as the parking lot! I’ve done it before…they’ve made a mistake and I’d tell them and then they’d charge me. Honestly is right!
Me 03.11.08 at 10:23 pm
everyday actions add up to a picture with a bit more meaning.
Yes…
lucy 03.12.08 at 2:46 am
bravo, tess!!! but is it still o.k. for a “one” to become a “four”??? maybe i better go back and fess up
seriously, this reminded me of several years ago when my daughter was little. she would often get a donut in the grocery store while we shopped. one day i was driving home and realized i hadn’t paid the $.50 for the item. i turned the car around went back, got my daughter out of the car and went into pay for the donut. the clerk thought i was out of my mind, but i could not have continued to shop there guilt-free without paying.
janey recently told me she and a friend were in the same store one night and could not find a clerk to help them check out, so they laid their dollar next to the cash register…funny thing, but this time the $1.00 was for 2 donuts
full circle? maybe. xoxoxoxoxo
Tess 03.12.08 at 8:23 pm
Lucy, I did think three times before posting this, just because you might wonder about the “one” becoming a “four” item. And it is still OK. As you said, it seemed right! And if anyone else happens to be reading this… well it’s nice to have a little mystery.
Sunrise Sister 03.12.08 at 11:00 pm
I’m sure the mysteries abound – somewhat like the skeletons in the closet remarks I’ve received from two of my closest readers lately – I digress….
Good work Tess. We do lasso ourselves, evenly loosely, we know the decision is ours and the damage done, in the end, would be to ourselves. I was once lucky enough to be shopping in a wholesale environment for very expensive jewelry – the clerk overlooked a $325.00 bracelet – that was the wholesale cost. I had a tough time pointing it out to her and when I did she said, “oh, let me rerun your credit card”…”oh” …..I really would have liked a little more applause. I do have to say I feel good about that bracelet everytime I wear it and it might have been relegated to the back of the drawer had I “gotten away” with the unknown error.
I definitely think you did the right thing and I’m not a bit surprised!!
Wren 03.14.08 at 4:50 am
I like your illustration. Sometimes it does feel as if something (our conscience?) has gotten hold of us and won’t let go. Once the automatic teller gave me an extra $20 in change, and I had a terrible time making myself go inside the bank and return it. In fact, I didn’t do it till later in the day. lol