Photograph by Patty Colmer under a CC Attribution License
Thought I’d share a recent conversation with a colleague who seems to have decided it is her current mission in life to get me married off.
She finished what was quite a lengthy harangue about the virtues of dating (lots, with lots of people) with these words of wisdom:
After all, you’re not getting any younger, soon it’ll be too late. I’m sure you have lots of nice friends, but you’re not exactly leading a cutting-edge life, are you?
I rather enjoyed this phrase cutting-edge life. What does it mean, I wonder? I’ve been teasing her about it, and have gently observed that because she is married with two young children, perhaps what she’s really after is a bit of vicarious excitement.
My side of the white picket fence is actually wonderfully rosy. I do indeed have many friends (who are more than “nice”, they’re fabulous!); I do loads of things that interest me hugely; I’m following a spiritual adventure which gives me great joy. I’m lucky, I’m privileged in so many ways.
So you may be relieved to hear that I’m not about to throw myself off the nearest building (or into the arms of the nearest ne’er-do-well) but her attitude did depress me a bit. Do we all really have to fit into the same neat little boxes? I do hope not.
{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
Well married with two children hardly sounds cutting edge to me, so I am apt to believe that she is most definitely projecting her own unmet desires onto you. What is it with people who think they have the answer to other peoples’ lives? I was never really worried about you Tess. One of the things I love about being married (in addition to my wonderful husband) is that I don’t have to go on lots of dates with lots of people anymore. I always found dating incredibly tedious.
So here you are, a strong and independent woman with fabulous friends and who is making more space in her life for creative pursuits — sounds pretty cutting edge to me in this day and age of trying to find the right box.
I think you are one of the most interesting people I hope to someday meet. I wish I would have said this before you wrote this post so you won’t think I’m just trying to make you feel better. You truly are NOT BORING. From your writing I’ve deduced you are: creative, grounded, humourous, youthfully wise, adventurous, brave, empathic, organized, intelligent…this is not a complete list…I’ll let the rest of your friends add to this.
Tess,
You write: “Do we all really have to fit into the same neat little boxes? I do hope not.”
I do hope not too. The thought of it gives me the willies.
Walk on my unique and amazing friend. We love you, as you are and no matter what. And indeed, you are FAR from boring.
tess–i groaned as i read your post. i am so sorry for you to be subjected to that. i happen to live in the white two-story house with two children and a golden retriever dog…now, how “cutting edge” does that sound? yikes. i started to write “i think…” but cross that out, i KNOW you are a fabulous, wonderful, creative and oh so interesting person…maybe one of the most interesting i care to associate with
and boring is certainly not a word i would ever associate with you!
here’s for staying outside of that confining little box. (i do, however, have a quite interesting 50 something irish professor who now lives in england that i’d love to introduce you to..not because you’re boring (heavens no!!!), but because i think you two could have some pretty delightful conversations about life and stuff). you know me…always pondering.
i love you, girlfriend! rock on!!!!
I really laughed as I read your responses – thank you all. I feel a nice warm glow. Oh, maybe that’s a hot flush. Whatever!
I suppose in five years’ time she’ll be saying to me “Well, at least you have your cats to keep you company”. Then I’ll strangle her!! (I knew there must be a reason I’ve resisted all attempts from my workmates to extract the URL of this blog from me!)
Lucy, I have Irish blood, so you never know, perhaps the professor and I might click!
Peace Tess,
I can relate to this excellent post. See here;
http://thecorner.wordpress.com/2008/01/07/finding-my-identity/
Abdur Rahman
Abdur, thank you. Yes, I really enjoyed your post on identity. You’ve reminded me I wanted to ask a question about it, which I’ll do in the comments over at “your place”.
I appreciate you as you are and enjoy your unique perspective on life. Don’t change.
I ditto Elaine’s comments and agree with Lucy that I had to GROAN when I read the advice you received. You should have had a magic reflector on your forehead blinking back – “Get a Life!”
Keep up the great blog work. Yours is one I try not to miss.
SS
It’s all been said, Tess. You coldn’t be boring, if you tried! How many times married people have expressed envy at my freedom! That could be underlying this person’s views. No need to get boxed in unless it brings with it another kind of freedom.
I couldn’t add to what’s already been said, Tess. I know many happy and fulfilled women who live sans a husband or beloved and do not feel they are missing anything. They do not feel as if being in a relationship will now make their lives full. They are enjoying their lives; they have many wonderful friends; their time is their own. And I say kudos and bravo to these wonderful, interesting women!
I’ve been trying to craft a clever response which doesn’t even curse words hurled at your “friend,” and all I can come up with is this:
Fuck the boxes. Live the life that brings you joy!!
Guys, you are WONDERFUL!